The Secret to Dating Success... You Need to Work at it!

Self-improvement and showing your best self is a huge and ever-growing area in many aspects of life (work, sport, well being), so why not apply the same approach to #dating? After all, finding a partner is a life-changing process – get it right and you might never date again! It’s therefore no surprise that the dating process can feel a daunting and, at times, lonely experience, given there’s so much resting on it.

The good news is there are many things you can do to improve your dating experience and increase your chances of success. It starts with understanding the behaviours you could improve, and investing time in targeted development.

In our first blog: https://datingbehaviours.wixsite.com/dating-behaviours/feed/dating-success-it-s-all-in-the-behaviours we introduced the 10 #DatingBehaviours we’ve found to be essential to dating success. Our research has also helped us to understand the behaviours daters are most likely to be naturally good at showing and those they are likely to need to work on. The findings revealed most daters are likely to show strengths in being passionate & interesting, showing drive & resilience, following etiquette and understanding others. And, that most daters are likely to need to improve how they communicate in writing, their self-awareness and use of humour.

This blog focuses on the behaviours most daters would benefit from improving and includes some #toptips for improving your dating success in these areas.

The first behaviour most daters need to improve is communicating in writing.

Being able to clearly communicate in writing is a critical skill throughout online dating, from writing your profile to emailing and messaging people. Many first impressions and assumptions are built around what others' read about you, how you structure emails, the words you use and your spelling and grammar. The common mistakes daters make in this area range from not writing enough in your profile, or writing too much, to getting the tone wrong in messages (e.g. appearing over-familiar or too formal).

How to turn communicating in writing into a strength

Seek a friend’s advice

If you are someone who finds writing in a structured way quite hard, why not ask someone you trust who is good at this to help you re-work your profile so it is easy to understand and really reflects who you are. You could also ask them to describe you in a few words and make sure your profile captures your key attributes - this is definitely a case of less is more - you don't want readers to get bored!

Use the spell-checker

For some people, accurate spelling and grammar in profiles and messages is a deal breaker. That's easy to sort, just make sure you spend an extra minute or two re-reading what you've written and use a spell check; it'll really help you to make a great first impression.

Use language you’re comfortable with

Whether writing your profile or chatting with a potential date, be true to yourself. A potential date will quickly rumble you if you’re trying to be someone you’re not. Go with your gut instinct when responding to messages, but take the time to read it back over to make sure it’s a true reflection of you.

The second thing most daters need to work on is self-awareness.

This behaviour impacts all aspects of the dating process and often holds the key to understanding how you can improve. Being aware of your own strengths and limitations as well as how your style can impact on others is critical when you meet someone new and try to make a good first impression. The typical mistakes people make when lacking self-awareness involve missing cues from their date when they’re irritated or bored by the conversation. Instead of reading their date’s response and adapting their style, the individual presses on with the topic of conversation, oblivious to their date’s reactions. Lack of self-awareness can sometimes be interpreted as arrogance or rudeness – persisting with the same style and approach regardless of the situation or individual.

How to improve self-awareness

Ask your friends and families for feedback

What do they think your strengths and limitations are? Ask them to be honest and try to take their feedback constructively. What impression did you make when you first met them? How did you make them feel?

Do your homework

Before you meet up with someone, write down some of their characteristics and then think about what style might best complement this. Are they shy or reserved? If so, you might need to take a quieter, slower approach and ask more questions to help make them feel at ease.

Practice reading emotions

Try to read the body language and facial expressions of others in cafes and bars. What can you interpret (without hearing what they’re saying) from their expressions?

The third area many daters would benefit from improving is Use of Humour.

Making people laugh is a key skill across most stages of the dating process. Having a sense of humour is one of the top traits people look for in others. However, getting it right can be tricky: Humour can really help put others (and yourself) at ease when talking or meeting someone for the first time, but joking about everything can make others thing you don’t take anything seriously.

How to get better at using humour

Practice with friends

If you tend to take a serious approach, your dates might find meeting you quite intense. There’s no need to become a comedian, but being comfortable using a little humour could really help with your dating success. Who do you find funny? Watch what they do: What stories do they tell? How do they make others laugh? Experiment with different ways of telling stories and using humour until you find an approach you are comfortable with and that makes others laugh.

Positive frame of mind

If you’re relaxed and positive it’s likely to put your date in a similar mood too and help set the right tone for your date. Just before going on a date do something you enjoy, so you turn up feeling upbeat and confident.

Warm-up act

Getting to know someone takes time and building rapport is an important first-step. Try not to jump straight into a serious list of topics and questions when you first meet someone. Start with some light-hearted chat and build from there.

Dating can change your life. Why not invest some time in ensuring you show your best self when you next go on a date? Who knows, they could turn out to be ‘the one’.

Find out more about how Dating Behaviours can help you to improve your dating success on our app page: https://datingbehaviours.wixsite.com/dating-behaviours/apps-1

And follow us on Twitter @research_dating