Dating Success – it’s all in the Behaviours

Billions of people are dating; meeting dates online, through friends and at dating events in search of 'the one'. However, for many dating is a frustrating and lonely experience.

First dates, which seemingly go well, often result in rejection. Individuals need to pick themselves up and start the process again, very often, with little or no understanding of where they went wrong or how they can improve next time. Success depends on asking the right questions, and appearing confident and interesting for an hour over coffee, or using witty and engaging language to spark interest through messaging online.

Presenting yourself in the best light in a limited window of time demands demonstration of some key behaviours, e.g. showing interest in others through asking questions (but the right kind of questions) and listening when others talk, not interrupting or talking over them. All behaviours which if identified could be improved. In fact, our research showed that 2/3rds of daters would like to #improve their #datingsuccess.

That’s why we researched and developed #DatingBehaviours. 10 Behaviours proven to drive dating success. In fact, those demonstrating these behaviours are up to 80% more likely to see themselves as successful at dating.

Improvement starts with awareness, so here's an introduction to each of the #DatingBehaviours...

Use of Humour

Using humour is a key skill across most stages of the dating process. Having a sense of humour is one of the top traits people look for in others. However, getting it right can be tricky: Humour can really help put others (and yourself) at ease when talking or meeting someone for the first time, but joking about everything can make others thing you don’t take anything seriously.

Follows Etiquette

We all know there are certain unwritten 'rules' that are generally followed in dating. These relate to how you present yourself, what you talk about, the language you use and keeping to commitments. You don't have to strictly follow them all, but getting most of them right can really help you to get off to the best start on a date.

Passionate & Interesting

Having some interests and showing your passion about them can really help to build a relationship by giving you confidence, interesting stuff to talk about and share your opinion on, and make you more attractive to others!

Open & Honest

Choosing what to share, what not to share and when can be critical when dating. Being open, honest and trusting is pretty much what we all look for in others, but too much or too little can lead to undesirable results. It's pretty much balanced on a knife edge and can make or break a date - so understanding how you can best manage this can be very useful.

Organised & Focused

Success at dating also depends on being focused and structured and remembering the details. This can impact many aspects of the dating process, but particularly, writing your profile and messaging to get to know someone better or set-up a date. It's also something that you have to maintain a focus on to get results - it won't just happen without you giving it your full attention.

Communicating in Writing

Being able to clearly communicate in writing is a critical skill throughout online dating, from writing your profile to emailing and messaging people. Many first impressions and assumptions are built around what others' read about you and how you structure emails, the words you use and your spelling and grammar. In a way, it's like being back at school, which can feel quite daunting! The good news is, there's lots of quick and easy things you can do to improve in this area if it's not a natural strength for you.

Building Relationships

Certain behaviours really help you to build a relationship with someone, particularly in the early stages. Establishing any sort of relationship with someone takes time and effort, on both sides. People who appear to be caring and genuinely warm and supportive tend to be good at building relationships.

Understanding Others

Seeking to understand more about someone can have multiple benefits; helping you to understand more about them; making the other person feel good about themselves; and creating a great platform for building a relationship. This is definitely one of the behaviours that if you maximise, can change your overall experience in dating.

Self-Awareness

This behaviour impacts all aspects of the dating process and is often the key to understanding how you can improve. Being aware of your own strengths and limitations as well as how your style can come across to others might hold the key to understanding how you can hone your approach for maximum success.

And finally...

Drive & Resilience

Like most things in life, online dating will definitely throw you some challenges, disappointments and setbacks. So, how you cope and respond to these can be important in being successful. Keeping motivated and positive, even when things aren't going well, or picking yourself back up after rejection, is a tester for all of us.

Don't panic. It's unlikely that you will be brilliant at all these behaviours. But, understand where your strengths are and areas to develop, and you can target how you improve your #datingsuccess. Check out our Apps page for more information on how, and watch out for our next blog including tips on how to improve your Dating Behaviours.

Follow us on Twitter: @research_dating